They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize