but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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