eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
