Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
