Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
