Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
