Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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