That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
