Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
