i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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