Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
