Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
