At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
