I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
