Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
