no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
