I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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