Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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