I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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