she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
