she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
