Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This baby is an asshole
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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