I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
