mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
