If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And then my night got REAL pukey
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
