Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
