Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize