Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
