why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
