Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
