Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
