remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
