I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize