i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
