Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
