im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
