Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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