Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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