Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize