i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
