I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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