So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
