next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize