Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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