I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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