I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
