the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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