I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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