Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
