i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
