i need an iv and a liver transplant
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
