Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
