I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
