I have demons in me.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We are two peas in an std pod
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize