i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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