Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
