youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
