She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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