You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
