Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
