Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
