I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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