If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
