And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
