I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
