Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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