chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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