New low: just hacked my moms facebook
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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