it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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