two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
