somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
