Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
