from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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