My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
