There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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