My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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