Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
