Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
