Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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