you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
