im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
nutella sex= disaster
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
