and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Terrible idea I love it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
