Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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