btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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