My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
