paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
