No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
