what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
