you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
