I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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