i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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