I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
