just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
