I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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