A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
