Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
