so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So vagazzling was a success
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
