She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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