all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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