Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I smell like Dick and happiness
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
