i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
