You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
