so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
