I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize