no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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