They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
