How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Enjoy the penises
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
