now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
