Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
