So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
