Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
